National Sugar Cookie Day, folks!
IMG_20160709_122037I hope you’re celebrating along with me, because these are one of life’s little simple culinary pleasures. I’m not much for “secret” ingredients usually, but this recipe kind of has some; believe me, if you skip them, you’ll miss them! That teeny pinch of cinnamon and squirt of lemon juice are not obvious when you eat a cookie, but add that little extra *what* that give these soft and chewy sugar cookies a bit more dimension. Let’s get baking!

Thin, crisp, butterry, CHEWY!

Thin, crisp, buttery, CHEWY!


Sugar Cookies

1 c. (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temp.
1 1/2 c.sugar
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp.baking soda
1 heaping tsp. kosher salt
1 small pinch of cinnamon
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. lemon juice
1 large egg
2 3/4 c. all-purpose flour

Preheat the oven to 350F.

Combine the butter, sugar, baking soda and powder, salt and cinnamon in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment. Start on low speed to combine, then kick it up to medium and cream until light and fluffy, 5 minutes.

In the bowl it looks like this...

In the bowl it looks like this…


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Scrape the bowl down with a rubber spatula. Add the egg and continue to cream the mixture on medium an additional 5 minutes, then scrape the bowl down again. Add the flour a 1/2 c. at a time on low speed and mix just until everything is well combined.
Roll the dough into Tbsp.-sized balls, and place on a paper-lined sheet pan. Bake until crispy on the outer edge but still pretty soft in the center, and light golden brown.
Obligatory cooling rack pic

Obligatory cooling rack pic

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Let them cool just enough so they don’t burn your tongue, then eat with reckless abandon.

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If you’re like me, your first introduction to this nut came in the form of an unnaturally bright green ice cream studded with bottom-basement chunks made soggy over time. Which is to say, (if you are like me that is) you never touched the stuff. It took years for me to appreciate the supple, bright and earthy pistachio. And no, I do NOT enjoy those circus red, bad dye job ones.

This National Pistachio Day, I have a wee little cake studded with real deal, green as green gets, nutty and earthy pistachios; and paired with one of their very best friends, the Meyers lemon. The cake is 100% nutty goodness and actually terrific on its own as a snack cake.

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Pistachio Butter Cake*

2 large eggs, room temperature
2/3 c. sour cream, divided
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 2/3 c. cake flour
2/3 c. pistachios, roasted and unsalted
1 c. sugar
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp kosher salt
6 ounces (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened

Preheat the oven to 375F. Spray your cake pan(s) with a light coating of pan spray and line the bottom with parchment paper. Set aside.
Place the eggs, 1/3 c. sour cream and the vanilla extract in a bowl and whisk lightly to combine. Set aside.

Place 2/3 c. of the flour and the pistachios in the bowl of a food processor and pulse until the mixture looks like coarse cornmeal. Add the remaining flour,sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt and pulse until well combined and no large chunks of pistachio remain.

Place the dry ingredients in the bowl of a stand mixer (or you can use a hand mixer). Add the butter and remaining 1/3 c. of sour cream. Stir on the lowest setting until well combined, then kick the speed up to medium and blend for another 2 minutes. Scrape down the bowl and gradually add the egg mixture in three batches, scraping the side of the bowl after each addition.

Pour the batter into the prepared cake pans and bake for approximately 25-28 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

Allow to cool five minutes before inverting onto a cooling rack and removing the cake pans. Allow to cool completely before assembling.

Quick Meyer’s Lemon Curd Filling

2 eggs
3 egg yolks
1/2 c. sugar
1 Tbsp vanilla extract
1/2 c. fresh Meyer’s lemon juice
Zest of one lemon
Pinch salt
1 Tbsp. cornstarch
6 oz. (1 1/2 sticks) very cold butter

Bring a cup of water up to a simmer in a medium pot.
In a heat-proof bowl, lightly whisk the eggs and yolks. Add all of the other ingredients except the butter, and whisk to combine. Place the bowl over the simmering water and stir continuously until the mixture is thickened and smooth. Remove from the heat and whisk the butter in, again until completely smooth. Cover and refrigerate until chilled.

Italian Buttercream

1 c. sugar
1/4 c. water
5 egg whites
2 c. (1 pound) unsalted butter, room temperature, cut into cubes
Pinch salt

Add the water to a small pot and sprinkle the sugar on top. Bring to a boil and cook until the syrup reaches 240F.
While the sugar syrup is cooking, pour the egg whites into the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a whisk attachment and begin to whip on medium-high speed. It is important to have a medium-peak meringue already as the syrup reaches 240F. As soon as the syrup reaches the right temperature, immediately pour it in a slow, steady stream into the still whipping egg whites. Continue to whip on high speed until the mixture cools to room temperature and a very thick, glossy meringue is achieved.
With the mixer still on high, begin to add the butter one chunk at a time, allowing each chunk to disappear entirely into the meringue before adding the next piece. This will take a minute, and it is going to look really awful and broken. Just keep mixing, it will come together.
Remove from the mixer and assemble the cake.

Simple Syrup

1 c. water
1 c. sugar
1/4 vanilla bean, split

Bring all of the ingredients to a boil in a small pot. That’s it. Keep whatever you don’t use in the fridge for the next cake you bake, or to sweeten a post-cake eating cocktail.

Assembly

Soak each layer of cake with the simple syrup before spreading on a 1/2 cup portion of the chilled lemon curd. once the layer are stacked together, combine the remaining curd with the buttercream, and frost the cake.

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Can we safely say that we have hit cookie season? I don’t think anyone has made that term official, but let’s just say we’re there. And the thought makes me so happy.

Are you feeling perhaps a little stuck as far as what to make? No judgement- this is my third batch of cookies this week, and I’m getting a little fuzzy-brained over here. I nearly missed a holiday potluck last night because I didn’t have time to make another batch of cookies, only to realize at the very last minute that I had dough from a previousproject in the freezer. Evening saved! There are just so damn many articles out there right now if you are looking for a little inspiration, but my favorite one hands down is the Washington Post Cookie Generator. Enter an ingredient you wish to use, and the WashPo’s cookie database will spit out a list of recipes to use. I mean to tell you, it is brilliant.

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Espresso Orange Snickerdoodles

8 oz. (two sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 1/2 c. sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. espresso powder
1 Tbsp. candied orange peel, very finely chopped
2 1/2 c. all-purpose flour
2 tsp. cream of tartar
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 c. sugar
1/8 tsp. cinnamon
3/4 tsp. espresso powder

Preheat the oven to 375F.

On medium speed, cream the butter and sugar together, occasionally scraping down the bowl, until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Add the egg, then the egg yolk. Stir the vanilla and espresso powder together until dissolved. Add to the butter mixture. Add the orange peel, flour, tartar, baking soda, and salt and mix on low speed until evenly combined. Remove from the bowl, wrap tightly in plastic, and chill in the refrigerator for at least two hours before baking.

Combine the remaining 1/4 c. of sugar, cinnamon, and espresso powder in a medium bowl. Scoop the dough into tablespoon-sized pieces and roll into balls. Dredge each ball in the sugar mixture and place onto paper or silicon mat-lined sheet pans.

Bake for 11-13 minutes, or until the edges are light golden and slightly crispy and centers are very soft but dry.

Allow to cool slightly, then eat with reckless abandon.

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True confession: I am a texture person, on sort of a Sheldon Cooper level. If the flavor of a dish is good but the texture is bad, I am stopped dead in my tracks. Not one. more. bite. This keeps me far, far away from scrambled eggs, mung beans, and okra.
This also means that nachos are one of my absolute favorite things. Whereas mushy/springy and viscous are my mortal enemies, crunchy, gooey, and drippy -especially all at once- are divine in my book. Here is my way of making nachos. The cheese level is high, but what really makes it is the pulled pork.

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My Ultimate National Nacho Day Nachos

1 big bag of corn chips (Late July Spicy Mojo and/or Lime are the ones I use)
2 c. shredded white cheddar
2 c. of my favorite pulled pork recipe (recipe follows)
2 c. cubed, roasted butternut squash
Avocado crema
Spicy chimichurri

Preheat the oven to 350F

Place the chips on a paper-lined sheetpan. Spread the shredded cheese evenly over the chips and pop into the oven. Bake until the cheese is just melted. Remove from the oven and add the pulled pork and squash. Return to the oven and bake until heated through.

Roasted Butternut Squash

Preheat the oven to 400F. Peel and halve a medium butternut squash. Scoop out the seeds. Chop the squash into 1″ pieces and place on a paper-lined sheet pan. Drizzle with a little olive oil, sprinkle with salt and pepper, and roast until soft throughout, about 45 minutes.

Avocado crema
1/2 Haas avocado
1/2 c. sour cream
Pinch kosher salt
1 Tbsp. cream

Place all the ingredients in the bowl of a food processor and process until smooth.

Spicy chimichurri sauce
1 bunch flat leaf parsley
1 jalapeno, seeded, chopped
4 garlic cloves
Juice of 1 lime
3 Tbsp. chopped red onion
1/4 c. olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste

Place the first five ingredients in the bowl of a food processor. With the machine running, drizzle in the olive oil and continue to run until fairly smooth.

My Favorite Pulled Pork Recipe

1 8lb. pork shoulder (This is going to make a big batch, but it freezes beautifully.)
2 Tbsp kosher salt
1 Tbsp coarsely ground black pepper
1 Tbsp. chili powder
4 tsp. garlic powder
1 cinnamon stick
1 tsp. ground cumin
1 tsp. dried orange peel
1/2 c. light brown sugar

1 bottle stout beer (I use Old Rasputin)

2 large yellow onions, peeled and quartered
1 large sweet-tart apple, like a Pink Lady, quartered and cored
4 garlic cloves
2 bay leaves
4 sage leaves

Preheat the oven to 450F.

Using a few paper towels, dry off the surface of the pork. Place in a medium roasting pan with a 2″ side.

Combine the salt, spices, and brown sugar.

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Apply half of the spice blend to the bottom and sides of the roast (the non-fatty side). Flip the roast over and apply the rest of the spice blend to the top (the fatty side).

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Place in the oven and roast for 30 minutes. If the sugar looks like it is beginning to burn, add a cup of water to the bottom of the pan.

Reduce the heat to 350F. Remove the roasting pan from the oven. Arrange the onions, garlic, apple, bay leaves and sage around the roast. Pour an additional cup of water into the pan, followed by the stout.

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Cover tightly with aluminum foil and return to the oven. Roast for 2 1/2 to 3 hours, or until the roast is fork-tender and shreds easily.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool a little. Carefully remove the roast from the pan and put onto a sheet pan or large dish. Remove three onion quarters and the garlic cloves and process or squash with a fork until smooth. Set aside. Discard the rest of the onions, apple, bay and sage. In a medium pot, reduce the pan juices by half (there will be a pretty good amount). If you want a leaner sauce, pour the juices through a fat separator before reducing.

Shred the pork while the waiting for the juices to reduce.

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Add the meat and the pureed onion mixture back into the pot and mix to combine.

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My resolve is firm, if I could choose my very last meal on Earth, it would be a very well-composed sandwich. It would be warm, crunchy, and balanced. There would be bacon. And something a little weird.

So, it’s National Sandwich Day, and without focusing too much on my own mortality, I have a sandwich that could contend for chosen last meal status.

It’s finally getting a little chilly out over here, and everything good (aside from apricots) that is orange is coming into season. I’m taking advantage.

The one actual recipe is pepita (pumpkin seed) pesto. It is made just the same way as basil pesto, but is 100% Autumn.

Pepita Pesto

1 c. roasted pepitas (pumpkin seeds)
2 c. flat-leaf parsley, stems removed, lightly packed (about one bunch)
2 Tbsp. fresh lime juice
1/2 c. extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 c. grated Parmesan
Salt & pepper, to taste
2 Tbsp water, optional

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Place the pepitas, parsley, lime juice, and olive oil in the bowl of a food processor, and process until smooth. Add the Parmesan, salt, and pepper and pulse until just combined. If the pesto seems a bit too thick, gently stir in the water to thin it out (DO NOT use the food processor for this step). Remove from the processor and store in the refrigerator until ready to use.

For the sandwich

Ciabatta bread
Pepita pesto
Olive oil
Roasted yam, peeled, sliced, and kept warm
Bacon (I used applewood smoked)
Smoked gouda, sliced
Red onion, sliced
Baby arugula

Split the ciabatta lengthwise. Brush with olive oil and toast it under a broiler until golden and crispy.

Spread the pesto generously over the top half.

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Place the gouda on the bottom half and return to the broiler to melt.
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Once melted, place the still warm yam slices on top, followed by the bacon and onion. Pile the arugula on top of that, drizzle with a little more olive oil, and place the top half of the bread on it.
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Slice into portions and eat with reckless abandon.
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If you grew up in my house, a bowl of oatmeal was never served naked. A not-very-sensibly sized pat of salted butter nestled in the center with an equally-sized spoonful of brown sugar sprinkled of top of that…perhaps some sliced banana…steam wafting up, too hot to eat right away… whoosh, that’s good.

Until about mid-way through. Things begin to cool off. The bulk of the toppings are gone. The bottom of the bowl hasn’t been revealed yet, and already things are congealing into spackle.

Being that today is National Oatmeal Day, I’m showing some appreciation with a cookie variation that brings back the childhood memories and a wee teeny bit of excitement. If you haven’t put bananas in your oatmeal cookies yet, you’ve been missing out my friend. So there are no illusions of health benefits, I tossed in a bunch of English toffee to whet your whistle.

Which leads me to ask, ever had Banoffee before?

Banoffee is a singularly British creation whose magic somehow eludes us stateside. Think banana cream pie, but instead of cream you float those nanners in toffee. Yes. TOFFEE. It is a messy good time. You can’t walk down the street and eat it at the same time, though. People will stare, and not in an admiring, “you’ve got it goin’ on” (I’m bringing that phrase back, you’re welcome) sort of way. No, more of a “look at that tragic little person with no fork or plate” sort of way.

So, cookies. Easy to carry while remaining approachable to others. They may even ask you for one.

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Banoffee Oat Cookies

English toffee*
1/4 c. (1/2 a stick) butter
1/3 + 1 Tbsp sugar
1 Tbsp light corn syrup
1 tsp water
1 tsp kosher salt

Banana-oat cookies
1 1/2 c. rolled oats
3/4 c (1 1/2 sticks) butter, softened
1 c. sugar
1 egg
1 c. mashed banana
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 1/2 c. sifted all-purpose flour
1 tsp. kosher salt
a scant 1/2 tsp. baking soda
pinch of nutmeg
pinch of cinnamon

Preheat the oven to 375F

For the toffee:

Melt the butter in a medium saucepan. Add the sugar, corn syrup, and water and stir. Reduce to a simmer and allow to cook, stirring ocassionally, to a medium caramel color, which will be around (but not beyond) 300F.
Immediately pour the toffee onto a parchment paper-lined baking sheet and allow to cool to room temperature. Using a rolling pin or other blunt tool, break into small peppercorn-sized bits.
Set aside.

For the cookies:

Pour all but 1/2 c. of the oats into the bowl of a food processor and pulse to a very coarse meal. Set aside.
Cream the butter and sugar together on medium speed until fluffy. Add the banana, then the egg and vanilla. In a separate bowl, combine the dry ingredients. Add those to the banana mixture an stir on low until mostly combined. Add the crushed toffee bits and stir again until fully combined.

Remove from the bowl, wrap tightly in plastic, and allow to chill for at least 1 hour before baking.

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Scoop into walnut-sized balls, flatten slightly, and bake until golden (about 12-14 minutes).

Eat with reckless abandon.

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Just because…

I have a ton of those little French plums hanging out in my kitchen
They won’t last forever
Summer is nearly over and I’m feeling a little wistful
I’m hungry
I’m seeing these all over and I want to join in

So… buckles. I don’t think it’s just me, these are kind of everywhere lately. If you’re unsure what a buckle is, it’s sort of the middle ground between a cobbler and a coffee cake. Perfect for when you don’t quite have enough fruit to fill a pie or cobbler, and don’t necessarily want a lot of cake.

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It is, among other things, National Just Because Day, a day that gives one a reason to not have a reason. I have plenty of reasons to make what I’m making today, but I think “just because” fits with how I’m feeling right now.

You know, just because.

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French Plum and Raspberry Buckle*

Cake Batter:
3/4 (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temp
3/4 sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
Zest of 1/2 a lemon
3 eggs
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/8 tsp. cinnamon
Small pinch nutmeg
1/4 tsp salt

2 c. French plums, halved and pitted (if these are unavailable, apricots, small plums, or more berries
can be substituted
1 c. raspberries

Sugar Topping:
1/4 c. (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, cubed, very cold
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. all-purpose flour
Pinch of salt

Preheat the oven to 375F. Butter an 8″ pan and set aside.

For the batter:
Cream the butter, sugar, vanilla and lemon zest on medium-high speed until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, scraping the bowl with a rubber spatula between each addition. Combine the flour, baking powder, and salt in a separate bowl then add to the butter mixture. Mix on low speed until just combined. Fold in the fruit- very gently- then pour into the prepared pan. Spread evenly and set aside.

For the topping:
In the bowl of a food processor (or with a pastry blender), pulse all of the ingredients until a fine cornmeal-y texture develops. Sprinkle evenly atop the cake.

Bake for 40-50 minutes, or until a deep golden color forms on top and the middle of the cake springs back when gently pressed.

Allow to cool for about 15 minutes before removing from the pan and serving. Consume with reckless abandon.

*Borrowed heavily from a recipe found in this book here, which is one of my most all-time favorites.

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National Vanilla Custard Day is today, and I am starting this auspicious observance with a list of things I do not want:

No ice cream, because that is for tomorrow’s post.
Nothing with pastry cream, because it’s too heavy for the hot weather. And no creme brule because sweet freaking Christmas, I am 100% over them, at least for the foreseeable future.

Panna cotta would be great, but it is not, by definition, a true custard.
Whaaa?
Nope, it’s not.
A custard is defined as a liquid (typically containing milk or cream, sugar, flavoring, and eggs) that is set solely by the coagulation of egg proteins.
So yeah, panna cotta doesn’t fit the bill, delicious though it is.

What I am observing the day instead is a traditional English custard. To the American palette it’s going to look quite a lot like pudding, and it is. It’s a softer version than what we get out of the box, but so, so nice. This version is also a little lighter on the sugar, which to me is a nice change. Top it off with fig-sesame jam, the original recipe can be found here, though I think my modified version fits this custard to a t.

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Vanilla Bean Pudding

1 1/4 c. heavy cream
1/2 a vanilla bean, split
3 egg yolks
1 tsp. cornstarch*
2 Tbsp. sugar
Pinch of salt
1 1/2 tsp dark rum (optional)

Place the cream and vanilla bean in a medium heavy-bottomed pot over medium heat. Allow to come just up to a boil, then remove from heat.
While you’re waiting for the cream to come up, place the yolks, cornstarch, sugar, and salt in a medium bowl and whisk together until smooth and well combined.
Slowly whisk the hot cream into the eggs. Pour the cream/egg combo back into the pot, and whisk it over low heat until the pudding thickens and begins to bubble. Stir in the rum. Immediately remove from the heat and pour into a clean bowl set over some ice. Whisk occasionally until cool. Place a piece of plastic wrap directly onto the pudding. This will prevent it from developing that weird, unappetizing skin pudding sometimes gets. Store in the refrigerator until ready to serve.

Fig-Sesame Jam
1 1/4 c. sugar
3/4 c. water
1 # fresh mission figs
1 long strip of lemon zest
1 Tbsp lemon juice
1/4 tsp vanilla
Pinch of salt
1 Tbsp. toasted sesame seeds

Trim and quarter the figs.
Place the sugar and water in a medium pot over high heat. When it comes to a rolling boil, add the figs, zest, juice, vanilla and salt stir, and reduce the heat to a simmer. Allow the figs to reduce to a thick, chunky jam, approx. 20 min. Remove from the heat and discard the zest. Allow to cool a little before spooning onto the pudding.

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Once assembled, eat with reckless abandon.

*After blah blah-ing about the definition of a custard, I went ahead and used cornstarch in the above recipe. Cornstarch aids in, you guessed it, thickening stuff, therefore making this technically not a custard in the truest sense.
But it is still way more of a custard than panna cotta.

Heaven may be at least partially made of ice cream. I mean it, this is a hope of mine. And if I lead a really good life, perhaps it will include this sour cream ice cream. I don’t know why I don’t see this flavor more, because it is so rich, pleasantly tangy, and altogether “summer”. Pair it up with any stone fruit or berry, and you may think you’ve already gone to heaven.

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Sour Cream Ice Cream with Blueberry Compote

ice cream:

2 c. heavy cream
1/2 c. sugar
1/4 c. brown sugar
6 egg yolks
2 c. sour cream
zest of 1 lemon
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Place the cream in a medium pot and heat to just under a boil. Remove from the heat and allow to cool slightly.
Combine both sugars and egg yolks in a medium bowl. Whisk together thoroughly. Slowly pour the cream into the yolk mixture, whisking continuously.
Pour the mixture back into the pot and return to medium heat. Stir constantly with a rubber spatula or wooden spoon until the mixture thickens and coats the back of the spoon. Remove from the heat immediately. Pour the ice cream base into a clean bowl and set on top of another bowl filled with ice. Stir occasionally until completely chilled.
Freeze according to your ice cream machine’s instructions.

Blueberry Compote

1/4 c. water
1/4 c. sugar
4 c. fresh blueberries
zest and juice of 1/2 a lime

Place the first three ingredients in a medium pot set over medium heat. Bring to a boil then reduce the heat to medium low. Stir occasionally. Once the blueberries begin to soften, squish a few against the side of the pot . Simmer for 10 minutes, then remove from the heat and allow to cool.

Spoon onto sour cream ice cream and eat with reckless abandon.
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Okay, is there anything more summery than corn fritters? The sweet corn in the market right now is amazing- plump, crunchy, sooo sweet. There is so much to enjoy about it all on its own, but to this corn I am adding a bunch of crab, jalapenos, Old Bay, and cayenne, and I’m serving them up with a not modest amount of avocado dip. Because, avocados. This could be the official dish of summer and California. I’ll admit, things start feeling a little rich after the fourteenth or fifteenth one. Cold beer or a well-chilled glass of lemonade can help.
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After a year of pondering the whys behind all of our official food holidays, I have decided that on days like today I am just glad to have an excuse to add these to the table. Whoever came up with National Corn Fritter Day, be it a council or a marketing agency or some guy who really digs fried food, I thank you wholeheartedly. Not that I needed that much of an excuse, but I’m glad I had one.

Spicy Corn and Crab Fritters with Avocado Dip

For the fritters:

3 c. of fresh sweet corn (3 ears)
2 Tbsp olive oil
1 large jalapeno pepper, seeded and diced
1 c. all-purpose flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. sugar
1/4 tsp cayenne
1 tsp Old Bay seasoning
1 egg
3/4 cup 2% milk
4 oz. lump crab meat
1 green onion, green part removed, chopped
Peanut oil, enough to make fill a medium pot 3″ deep

Remove the corn from the cob. Pour the olive oil into a pan set over medium-high heat and saute the corn and jalapeno, stirring often. Once the corn is cooked to crisp-tender, remove from the heat and allow to cool a little.
In a medium-sized bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, sugar, and spices. Make a well in the center, pour in the egg and milk, and whisk until a smooth batter forms. Add the corn, crab meat and green onion and fold carefully so as not to break down the lumps of crab.

In a medium pot, heat the oil to 365F. Carefully drop ping pong ball-sized spoonfuls into the oil. Be cautious not to overcrowd the pot. Turn each fritter over after about three minutes, or once the submerged side becomes deep golden in color.
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Remove the fritters from the oil and place on a paper towel-lined plate. Sprinkle with salt.

For the dip:

4 small (or two large) ripe avocados
1 garlic clove
1/4 cup sour cream
2-4 tsp fresh lemon juice
Pinch salt
A dash of Tabasco sauce

Place all of the ingredients in bowl of a food processor and pulse until smooth.

Eat with reckless abandon.
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